Just to clear something up, I sometimes feel like total shit. I know that is not very tactful or ladylike, but "total shit" is the exact crass and unrefined sentiment that I am referring to. To quote Anne Lamott, "My mind is a neighborhood I try not to go into alone.” All I am saying is that if I do get to go to THE Heaven, it isn't fair to everyone else who actually earned it. (i.e. the saints.) As I type this, I know how I am starting to sound. I sound like the questioning-unbeliever who is practically rehearsed and role-played at Sunday School. "But I'm not good enough. My works will never get me in. Womp womp blah blah." YES, I know I am saved by grace! I know! You keep saying that, but I am still a human who takes that grace for granted and just wants to hug it out at the end of the day.