Have you ever been so short that you look like Stephanie Tanner trying to drive? Do you feel slighted when you’re served a disproportionately smaller piece of of dessert because, well, the server knew exactly who ordered the shortcake? Do you still wear the same winter coat Santa gave you in 7th grade (your sister still believed!!!)? And does the tag still say, ‘[name brand] KIDS? Do you make sure to lay the coat face down whilst attending parties without coat racks? Do you feel entitled to be front and center of all photographs, even if somebody more important deserves that spot?
You’re not alone, sister.
In as many reasons as feet I am tall (five would have been faster to say), we’re going to talk closet perks of being below average...height!
1. I’m not going to start with ‘kids’ clothes’ because that’s too obvious...got ya! It’s no secret that us little ladies have the opportunity to rock bedazzled butt pockets and leopard print kitten tees, but if you’re not into those...err... budding styles, you have some sophisticated options. Give kids’ brands like Zara, H&M and J.Crew a chance. Nobody has to know...plus they’e stupid cheap. I’m going to piggyback children’s shoes onto this. The shoe hunt isn’t what keeps me up at night, but I do feel like a warrior princess when I buy a pair of running sneaks or Frye’s for half the price (not an exaggeration).
2. You don’t have to follow as many rules. “What the what?” you ask. I know it sounds a bit presumptuous since I don’t even know you. What I do know is that your legs weren’t long enough to play post in high school basketball, if you even had the nerve to try out for the team. Short shorts are never actually short on you. Oversized tops are in. Oversized glasses are in. Mary-Kate and Ashley could wear a tent from Cabella’s and we’d call it fashion forward and functional because it takes up less space than if anyone else wore a Cabella’s tent. Are you offended that the Ikea monkey’s peacoat was too big on him? I rest my case.
3. Flats are cute, but remember this: no heels are too high. We win both ways. We can have our cake and eat it too. You’re never taller than anyone. Nobody is going to get mad if you wear 10 inch space boots because you’ll still be too small to not get carded at the re-release of Scream. You will still need your honey to reach the pasta on the top shelf. If you’re more of a “flats gal,” fantastic. You’re a cool girl! Your honey will feel even more compelled to help you.
4. You can wear your tall friends’ clothes, but they can’t wear yours. Again, you have options here. Situation A) tall friend shrinks top = top becomes your top. Situation B) tall friend’s clothes are still too big, but you’re a clever rascal and you won’t take no for an answer. You tie their shirts into knots. You wear cropped pants as real pants. You wear long skirts as long dresses. Of course you tuck in long shirts. Duh.
5. Vintage clothes: me :: marshmallows: Lucky Charms. Remember when growth hormones weren’t spoon fed to cows and Frodo was tall for a guy? I don’t either, but I deduce from the thrift store’s context clues that less was once more. If you measure in at the height of a cute grandma or just-learning-cursive-third-grader, this expression of fashion might be the one for you.
Seasonal bonus: with a few simple snips, you can turn any beige pillowcase into your favorite Pocahontas ensemble.
Let’s turn off the sad trombone when jeans are a “little baggy” and become a “little braggy” when we wear our little sisters’ dance recital costumes. Why would we even try it on in the first place? Because we actually can.